Today, I look at my life and see it as a bright, colorful, warm quilt. The kind you sit under on a cold winters day, reading a good book, and drinking a hot mocha. Yum. That is how I look at my life. This comforter has tons of different squares on it, with patterns and stripes, and pretty flowers. Each square represents a different moment or occasion of which I have experienced. It does not match. In fact, if you looked closely at the quilt, you'd probably might even think its ugly.
I've been struggling with feelings of being judged for choices we've made, the kind of life we've chosen to live. Some of it may be in my head, but in truth I've been told and outright asked and even straight up verbally judged on choices we've made. Who would want to write or share after that? Seriously?!!!
In time, I have worked through those things and come to some neat conclusions. I used to wish, that I had it all together in some nice neat step by step format or that I could be methodical and calculated. It looks good on the outside, I suppose. Yet for me, it's not.
My quilt is full of color because my life is. Of course, there are patches on that quilt that aren't the prettiest representing perhaps an unwise decision or two. But most of my quilt is full of the most amazing and beautiful moments in my life;
the birth of each of my children
a small group of people who loved us when we were unlovable
best friends whom I've literally peed my pants in front of
moving trucks from one state to another
11 different girls living with us
missionaries sharing a long weekend with us
Mexico and Ecuador
blind eyes that have been healed
deaf ears opened
Hispanic and low income children learning about Jesus
celebrating Sinter Claus
watching beautiful brides say "I do" to their husbands
homeschooling my boys while chasing a toddler
dancing with my husband to our song at least once a year
and so much more...
Perhaps, I don't have all the answers or a carefully constructed path with clear direction. But what I do have is a heart full of love and a head full of sweet memories of what I have experienced in life. My quilt is going to continue to grow and grow. The colors will be wild and not even somewhat related or planned out because that just happens to be who I've become. I'm smart enough to know, that there will be a few more dark patches on there, as when you choose to live a life that isn't perfectly planned, you're bound to make a mistake or two.
I wouldn't trade this life for anything. I like my quilt just the way it is, colorful, wild, whimsical, and not perfect.