My husband came home tonight, dressed in his uniform, and plopped down on the couch next to me. He unloaded his eventful day, discussing the details of various conversations and strange phone calls he received. My oldest interrupted for a quick question and I barked an answer at him and told him to go back to bed. Ewww..... I'm so overdone with my "job" right now. I turned to the hubs and said, "imagine if you went to your job and never left it. Imagine if everywhere you went your co workers went with you."
He laughed at me and responded, "so you feeling a little exhausted with the kiddos, eh?"
YES!! Yes, I am.
I always beat myself up when I feel this way. I don't want to miss a minute of each of their quick childhoods that are before me. Yet, somedays I am beyond exhausted.
Today, I was trying to feed the "Little General" while dishing out lunch to the other two. EJ's chair was almost on top of mine and I was trying to squeeze between them to get to Si. My oldest just sat firmly in his chair not even seeing what I was trying to do, his eyes focused on the food. I moved him and the chair a bit and he STILL didn't seem to see that I was trying to get somewhere. Finally, I irritably asked him to move, while thinking "when is he actually going to grow some common sense???"
Later on, I had to referee between the two older boys while shopping at T*rget and W*gmans. I finally got real low and angrily spoke into one of my childrens faces. It wasn't pretty. I imagined what the rest of the shoppers were thinking about me and the kiddos, at that point.
I love my children beyond words. I love being a stay at home mama, a homeschooling mama, a mama of 3 boys, just plain mama. I don't want to give it up, ever....
But sometimes I dream about a little bed and breakfast out in the woods, with aidorondack chairs, my bible, good coffee, my journal, nice warm weather, and some time ALL to myself.
Now off to fold some laundry, put away some dishes, clean up the toys and books......etc, etc, etc.
I hear ya! This could have been me on any given day last week. I was just too tired to write about it. Now get yourself to bed before your 'work day' starts over again!
ReplyDeleteI totally hear you too! I have been feeling like that lately, and I too "beat myself up" when I am like that. I am going to head to bed too...much later than I want to - but I am determined that tomorrow will be a better day!
ReplyDelete...and this is real life. We take the great with the not-so-much-fun.
ReplyDeleteIt's a gift to be able to make lemonade out of lemons but it's also important sometimes to find a place of solitude wherein you can sip that lemonade at a soft, quiet pace...and maybe even have a chat with a friend.
Would love to get our schedules aligned at some point. Only coffee sounds much more pleasing to me right now than lemonade. :)